top of page

...It's a befriending

Last week we looked at why the pursuit of freedom is ultimately not a battle.

Okay, so if it's not a battle, what is it then? To answer this question, let's remember what the crux of this struggle is about: True freedom is ultimately learning how to effectively handle the feeling that you're left with when you choose not to watch porn. We've looked at how fighting against feelings tends to fuel them, not calm them. What you resist persists. This includes intense desires, like the urge to watch porn. So if resisting and fighting against that urge is not an effective way of handling it, what is?? The funny thing about feelings is that the best and most effective way to process them is to treat them like a friend, rather than an enemy. If you can approach the feeling as you would a friend, with curiosity, compassion, acknowledgment, turning towards rather than against, this has powerful, alleviating effects. It helps lower the intensity of the feeling. It helps the feeling leave faster. Rather than pushing it away and downward only to resurface later, it actually helps process the feeling. Amazingly, counterintuitively, even shockingly, this pursuit of freedom isn't a battle. It's more like a befriending. At this point you might be asking, "Okay, so how do I befriend the urge to watch porn?" Here's some great news: to actually do this, I've broken it down into four actionable steps. And it's called the P.A.T.H. Plan. The P.A.T.H. Plan gives you the simple, concrete steps to stop, turn towards the urge, and treat it like a friend by allowing it to be there, without judgment. Here are a few other resources to help you solidify this game changing concept: Friend or Foe? "Get out of the car." Make the Urge Your Ally It's not a war. It's awareness. It's not a battle. It's a befriending. When that feeling, that intense desire arises in you, instead of brandishing a sword, putting up your dukes, clenching your fist, remember it's a friend. It's a part of you that is trying to help. Instead of going to battle, turn towards and befriend. Next step, Dan

Recent Posts

See All

Perform the Pause, Clarify the Cause

Do you remember the show, Saved by the Bell? This was one of those I watched all the time growing up. It was a show that my brother and I would regularly watch after school. It was classic teenage hum

Getting Your Reps

How many reps do you have? How many marbles do you have in your jar? How many notches do you have in your journal? How many "high fives" have you accumulated? Each time you successfully process the

The Megaphone and the Mouse

Have you found yourself in a repeating cycle of giving into watching porn, promising yourself that you won't do it again, only to give into it again the next time? There's actually a very good reason


bottom of page