I love war movies.
Saving Private Ryan, Braveheart, We Were Soldiers, 1917. I love the fighting, the shooting, defeating the enemy, the victory. What's not to love? It's good stuff! Sometimes, we tend to think about our struggle with porn as a battle to fight. We sometimes think about the desire to watch porn as the enemy. This makes sense in a way. When we have something in our life that is causing problems, wreaking havoc, creating a life we don't want, what is our natural response? Defend ourselves! Fight back. Wage war against whatever is causing so much difficulty and pain. But what do you do when you have an enemy? You fight against it. The goal is to defeat the enemy. To beat down your foe. To slay your opponent. This is exactly what needs to happen in a war, a battle, a fight. Those are the objectives. It makes sense in those situations. But does it make sense when it comes to the struggle with porn? Let me invite you to consider a possible truth: True, lasting freedom from porn is not achieved by battling. The pursuit of freedom is not a battle. It took me a long time to come to this realization (specifically, over 20 years). Based on my decades-long experience with porn, and now being on the other side and living in the freedom that eluded me for so long, I believe this is a pivotal concept that will help you tremendously. Why is it not a battle? I'm glad you asked. In the "Missing Piece" guide, we discover that the crux of this struggle is ultimately what to do with the feeling that you're left with when you choose not to watch porn. When you are flooded with the craving to watch porn and decide NOT to watch it, that craving does not go away. And it's intense. So, what do you do? We know that when it comes to feelings, including intense desires or urges, what you resist, persists. What you wrestle against, remains. And even worse, it tends to intensify. If you have the belief that you need to attack the desire, fight it, resist it, push it away, you will actually be fueling the urge. This is why for so many men, the struggle with porn lasts for so long. We are unknowingly fueling the feeling that urges us to watch porn. This is why it's not a battle. Fighting against the feeling (the urge) that causes the action (watching porn) is simply not the most effective approach. It's just not how feelings work. It is not an effective way to help the feeling lessen, and ultimately leave. This is great news! It means you don't have to have superhuman "strength." True, lasting freedom isn't just for those that can fight hard enough. You don't have to be the fiercest warrior (which I certainly am not!). Okay, so it's not a battle. So what is it then? This is the question we're going to answer next week. It's not a battle. It's another "B" word. Any guesses?! Journeying with you, Dan P. S. Have you implemented the P.A.T.H. Plan? Are you building up your "high fives," your "reps"? If you haven't yet, you can download the plan for free here: P.A.T.H. Plan. And if you ever have any questions, simply reply to this email. I'd love to hear from you!